I Never Stopped Creating

Wow.

It's been 7 months since I posted on Instagram.

I stepped away early in the summer because I realized that God had a lot of work to do in my life. So, I turned my gaze inward and began a spiritual battle that had needed to be addressed for a long time. I will probably share more about that process in the future, but right now, I am still healing and the Lord is still moving in my life—I don't want to hinder any of that with my own words at the moment.

So—for 7 months—I have continued to shoot, I have continued to create, and I have continued to do what I love. But, I did not share any of my work online. All of my photos are stored on hard drives, all of my stories are scattered in journals, and nothing has reached my online world. And it was probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever done.

I finally got a true answer to a question that I have asked myself for a long time: "Do I only enjoy creating content because of what other people will think about me?"

Every time I traveled to a shoot, I did so knowing that I would not be receiving any validation from other people. No one else would get to see into my world. No one else would even know what I was doing... and I still loved it.

I loved the people. I loved creating. I loved all of the little mistakes that turned into magical moments on camera. I loved coming home and editing hundreds of photos that no one was ever going to see. I loved journaling words for only myself to read. And for the first time in a long time, I felt healthy. I was healthier in a mental sense when I wasn't constantly consuming media that made me feel like I was constantly not doing enough. I was healthier in a spiritual sense as I began to really walk with the Lord towards recovery. I even began to be healthier in a physical sense as I began gaining weight as I instilled healthy habits into my own life.

It was truly remarkable, and to God be all the glory for how he has changed me over these past months and how he continues to do so.

That being said, I had to remind myself that social media is not evil, it is not some terrible devil. But, it can be. I have witnessed it take over my thoughts, my creative process, and way too much of my time. Through all of this, I realized I have a desire to be a creator without having to be a consumer. It's like that cheesy Christian saying of "being in the world, but not of the world."

But is it really that cheesy? I realized that I had never known where that quote came from. Well, turns out it stems from John 17 when Jesus is praying to the Father regarding his disciples knowing that He will leave them shortly.

"I pray for them. I am not praying for the world but for those You have given Me, because they are Yours. Everything I have is Yours, and everything You have is Mine, and I have been glorified in them. I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You." -John 17:9-11

Because Christ has left the world physically, his glory exists in his church—the body of believers. We as believers are called to glorify him on Earth—to be a physical manifestation of his glory to the world.

"I am not praying that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I sanctify Myself for them, so they also may be sanctified by the truth." -John 17:15-19

That'll preach any day of the week. It is not time for us to leave this world. We are not called to run away from what makes us uncomfortable. We are called to remain amongst all of the gross sin, among all of the injustice, among all of the selfish ways of the world. But we must not fall to it. We must not grow weary of it. Christ sanctified himself so that we might be sanctified in Him. We are sanctified when we dress ourselves in truth; when we live each day among all of the trash and choose something better. That is how we light up the dark world. By remaining in it, but not of it.

So, that's what I am going to do. I'm going to start posting again, but I'm not going to go back to my old consuming ways. I don't accept that I have to use social media as the world instructs me to use it. Practically, that looks like setting a screen time for 10 minutes a day which will give me just enough time to post anything I want to. It allows me to keep my creating time separate from everything else. I can work on projects without running to social media. I can create in silence without all of the busy notifications. I can release my content into the world without opening myself up to the world's content, and I can allow my heart to be sanctified by truth.